I decided my period had come and all the pregnancy stuff must have been in my head. I was feeling really down and he asked me what was wrong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant but my period came and I was feeling sad but I’d be ok.
The next two days were the same very light bleeding minor pains. I thought nothing of them. By the early hours of Monday morning I was in so much pain I woke up crying. I’d never had cramp like this before. The whole of Monday I was in agony but I was still bleeding very light.
Tuesday the pain was so bad I said to my husband “if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was in labour” we laughed. By 4:30 I’d managed to get dressed and sort my daughters out after school.
I was sitting on the sofa when I felt something fall out of myself I panicked I ran to the toilet and shouted for my husband he ran to me we both looked at each other and knew what was happening I was having a miscarriage my whole world fell apart right then. I didn’t know what to do.
My door started knocking it was my dad and sister. My husband said after they had left he’d run to the chemist to get a test to make sure. The whole time they were at my house I sat quite wishing they would leave. My sister sat with my youngest daughter on her lap laughing and she said “don’t you think mommy should have another baby, don’t you want a baby brother or sister” I felt like someone was stabbing my heart.
After an eternity they left and my husband had come home I did the test and everything was just blank. I was numb I managed to get an appointment that night at a walk in clinic.
When I got their I felt like I was waiting forever. I was all alone until my sister showed up I was told I’d receive a call from the e.p.u (early pregnancy unit) the next day.
I got home I just cried I didn’t think it would ever stop. I couldn’t breathe my husband was like my rock. He held me together when I crumpled
Over the next few days all I did was cry. When I did talk to people I would be flooded with miracle stories of a friend of a friend who this happened to and now their child is this age. I knew they meant well but I didn’t want to hear about other people’s miracles.
I finally got an appointment for a scan at 9am Sunday morning by the time it came round I had heard so many stories. I actually started to believe that it might happen to me I might still have my baby and all those happy feelings would come back again.
When I was examined the nurse said my cervix was closed and that was a really good sign my hopes were so high for good news. When I was called for my scan I was told there was nothing left. I felt like it had been ripped away from me all over again. when I was seen by the nurse again I was told I lost my baby at 8 weeks. I was shocked at how fast we were ushered out of the room with just a number to call if the test was still positive in 2 weeks.
The whole world felt unfair like I was being punished for every mistake I’d ever made my baby pip would of been due November but became an angel on 21/4/15 and will always be mommy and daddy’s special little angel