Jessica Marie 5th March 1991 – 28th September 1994
A letter to my daughter
Hello my beautiful girl,
My stomach turns as today of all days I feel like I’m turning you into a Silent Angel, but today is not a day that we do not speak. So, today I will go out find the place wherever I feel at peace. To connect with you again, it’s been so long since I wrote I feel I’ve neglected my own memories.
You always gave me strength to wake me up when you moved, now I barely sleep these last months as then you are becoming distant in memory, along other things too. The fear that I dreaded has become more real the last few weeks, which is why I probably have struggled to write to you. The fears, that hold onto the new mum, the jitters will it be okay? Will I be okay, good enough? I wouldn’t change a thing, when I look back now I smile with pride as today your love gives me strength to take that step forward and share. You continue to give me hope, even when they still continue to test my patience beyond belief.
Writing your letter I broke my heart early hours, no worse than it normally does. Just feels like it at the time Jess. I think this weekend took me to the point there will never be in this lifetime a wedding day, finally feeling it is what is so hard today beautiful. It’s never goodbye princess we don’t use those words today. We say it’s okay Mummy has got you in her arms.
Love you forever my curly tots xx