My story. Emma B.

My Story, here goes, I’ve never done this before.

There are some things I can’t express as they are just too painful and to be kept sacred between my husband and I.
I had a ‘text book’ perfect pregnancy, every day I loved being pregnant, she was my best friend. I took her lots of places, we went to see my Sister in Spain when I was 9 weeks pregnant.

She loved Yoga, especially the ‘Polar Bear’ position. I would talk to my bump all the time and tell her how amazing she is, we were so excited to be parents for the first time.

On 27th April 2015 my husband and I were sitting on the sofa watching TV and our little girl was doing her usual evening leg stretches. We recorded the movements on my phone, she was most active from 7pm onwards, this was my favourite time of day.

We went to bed and our little lady was wriggling around, I got up for the loo in the night and she was moving around again as usual, I laid there for ages massaging my belly feeling her wonderful movements.

My husband’s alarm clock went off at about 5:30am and I got up to see him off to work at about 6am. No movement. I tried all the tricks, drinking cold water, resting, walking around the house, rubbing my belly. Nothing.

I called the birthing centre and went there to get checked. No heartbeat. I was then referred to the Princess Anne to be scanned, our daughter had died. She died whilst I was sleeping.

My baby shower was 2 days before and I’d seen my midwife only 4 days prior and listened to her strong heartbeat. The room fell silent. The world had shifted, changed, it was now a cold dark place. I could hear happy people in the rooms next door listening to their baby’s heartbeats.

The consultant explained that I would need to give birth, it was as if he’d slapped me round my face. Give birth?! How can I possibly do this knowing our daughter had died?! I was petrified, but I did, I wanted to make her proud of her Mummy.

They explained I would need to take a tablet, go home and come back in 48 hours to have the next tablets. I outright refused to leave the hospital and said there was no way I was going home knowing she had passed away, my husband agreed. I’m glad I stuck to my guns because the medication worked quickly, too quickly in fact. I had a severe allergic reaction and due to a high temperature the birth was a very fast and the trauma was impacted by this.

Our beautiful daughter was born at 15:53 on April 29th weighing 5lbs 9oz of pure perfection, I was 38+5 weeks pregnant.

My Husband and I formed a very strong bond with our Bereavement Midwives, they will forever be a part of our lives. They respected our every wish and we got to spend 5 precious days with her.

My husband is our hero. Because I was so ill, he washed and dressed our daughter with Linsi our Midwife and made those unforgettable first memories. The longing for her gets stronger every day. I don’t know what I’d do without my husband Martin.

We will love her for eternity, our beautiful Little Miss Sunshine, Kitty May.

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Every day that goes by we live for Kitty and its extremely important to us that we talk about her all the time and say her name because she is truly wonderful.

We have set up a charitable fund called ‘Kitty’s Dream’ in Kitty’s memory and we are just finalising all the details. The money raised will go to the Bereavement Midwifery team at The Princess Anne hospital to purchase Cold Cots and support the families of babies born sleeping.

Thank you for reading my story.

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About Daddys with Angels.

We began as a group for grieving fathers and men in families, but other family members asked to join us. We now also have a group for Families with Angels dads and other male family members and siblings under 18. We have experienced and live with the harsh pain of loss and we hope we can bring other comfort with what we do, To find us please search for us on face book or www.daddyswithangels.org/. Hugs to you all and floaty kisses to all your angels. We retain the name Daddys With Angels.
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