Oliver’s story- a dad’s perspective. By Warren

Late 2012 I met My Partner Nicole , we clicked on so many things and it felt like we had know each other for a lifetime, We got to December that year and things started to change .

Towards the end of December Nicole’s moods were up and down and I suggested a pregnancy test , she took several but nothing showed up, So away to the Doctor we went. I sat in the waiting room whilst she went in , I shall forever remember the day 3rd January 2013 the day Nicole came out smiling saying hello daddy, I have never been so happy yet so scared in my life, I didn’t know what my parents nor her parents reaction would be.

The next few months were up and down Nicole wasn’t having a easy pregnancy , At 22 weeks everything started to go down hill, Nicole became worse with illness, things stayed the same and at 25 week she was rushed to hospital and kept in , We were then transferred to the Sunderland royal which was heartbreaking for me as I couldn’t go with her straight away and had to leave her on her own .

Then on the Morning of the 14th June 2013 I received a text message begging me to get there ASAP , I hurried as fast as possible a 40 min journey on the train , so scared yet hopefully, I ran to the hospital to find out she had nearly died during the night due to what we knew later as Pre Eclampsia.   She was hooked up to so many machines I was so scared but didn’t show it to her.

So at 3:14pm our Beautiful baby boy was born , everything I had ever wanted in life and more, so tiny but he came out crying and we thought brilliant, The whisked him away to the Neo Natal unit , Nicole was placed back on ICU and monitored closely she was very ill , she wasn’t allowed out of bed so could only show her pictures of our son . That day i had to go home and sort some things out . I laid awake all night smiling

On the 15th  I went to the hospital first thing , went to see Nicole who was slightly better but still unable to leave her bed . I went round to neo natal to be told come back in 30 mins so I went back to Nicole, 15 mins later a nurse rushed in to get me , told me there was a problem and to come to Neo natal,  I ran round i got there to see my son been worked on by 6 staff , i was sat down and a Dr came to see me and told me he had a severe haemorage to his lungs , i sat blank , empty as the DR told me there was nothing that they could do , i felt detached from my body .

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I told them to go get his mother now, they pumped Nicole full of drugs and wheeled her around , The look from her is one i will never forget as she saw my face I couldn’t stay strong any longer and i got down on my knees in front of her and told her , the look on her face was haunting but i promised her everything would be ok …………….They put him into a cot for us and I carried him around to a private room, I broke down walking around and nearly collapsed , we were lucky the hospital had a cold cot for him to lay in so we could have him for a day with us.

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I had no idea how I was going to survive yet keep Nicole well , my parents came on the Sunday and I never want to see my mother that upset ever again it broke my heart .

Nicole’s family were a huge help to us , I had no family in the NE and they took me in like one for there own .For that I will be forever grateful.

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I have no pictures of just me and him I couldn’t bring myself to have any taken, nor do I have any pictures from his funeral, To which I  hugely regret

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Nicole was offered plenty of support afterwards, I soon realized there was a huge gap for support for men, , I found Daddys with Angels several months later and the group was a life saver for me

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About Daddys with Angels.

We began as a group for grieving fathers and men in families, but other family members asked to join us. We now also have a group for Families with Angels dads and other male family members and siblings under 18. We have experienced and live with the harsh pain of loss and we hope we can bring other comfort with what we do, To find us please search for us on face book or www.daddyswithangels.org/. Hugs to you all and floaty kisses to all your angels. We retain the name Daddys With Angels.
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