Today, I’m proud to share the story of a man who has shared his journey in order to help “Break the Silence”. Mr Jordon Connor words from the United States of America..
My story begins on June 25 when we found out my wife and I were expecting. I was so excited. We decided to use the same Dr that her sister had used because of how good she was with her pregnancy and delivery.
Then her appointments kept getting rescheduled and was 21 weeks before we even got a ultrasound, and she never had a pelvic exam. Because of the insurance we had at the time that was the only Dr she could use in our area.
The day of the ultrasound was the best day of my life, we found out we were having boys. Not just one boy but two. I was shocked at first and nervous but then all the thoughts of things that daddies do with their sons and how it was gonna be twice as much and the happiness flooded me.
Even thinking about all the dirty diapers and expenses made me happy. I had 2 little boys to carry on my family’s name and to watch grow up to become young men. It was going to be hard for us but we were more than ready and willing.
They were measuring 22 weeks and 21 weeks. They were perfect healthy boys and growing fast. Then Monday September 8th came around. I had got off work around 4 that afternoon and my wife had said she wasn’t feeling to good but we thought it was just the weight of 2 buns in the oven causing her discomfort.
I decided to grill some burgers for dinner that evening and as the day got later her discomfort got worse. We decided to go ahead and go the hospital but we were gonna go ahead and eat first in case we had to stay she wouldn’t have to eat the nasty hospital food.
We were standing outside on the deck she coughed and that’s when her water broke. Everything stood still for just a couple seconds then it was all a blur. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, all I knew was that we had to leave now and not a second later. I ran in the house and grabbed the keys and went to help her in the truck.
That was the longest 30 minute drive of my entire life and probably always will be. The whole time my wife and I both were crying wondering what was going to happen to our baby boys. We arrived at the emergency room and she started to bleed. They took us around to labor and delivery.
They told me I was going to have to step out of the room for then to get her prepped. I backed into the corner like a little kid. I didn’t want to leave my wife’s side but they wouldn’t do anything for her until I left so reluctantly I went out to the waiting room. That was the second longest time of my life.
I found out later that it was because of abusive situations and I can understand that now. They finally came out and got me after 20 long minutes and that’s when I found out she was going to deliver our sons that night.
All joy and hope and happiness left me. My world came crashing down around me. I was scared, I was afraid that I might lose my wife along with my son’s. They Dr’s never said too much until she started delivering them but they were really great.
We found comfort in the Dr and nurses we had. Bryar Adrian Conner was born at 9:36, 11in and 14.7 oz. Blayde Lee Conner was born at 11:02, 11.25in and 1lb .1oz. They were perfect. Their eyes, ears, fingers and toes, everything was perfect down to their little noses and mouths.
Even with all the sadness and despair and hopelessness I was still proud. Proud of my wife for doing so great through naturally delivering our twin boys and proud of my son’s. They may have been stillborn but that didn’t change a thing of how proud of them I was and still am.
They will always be my boys. I can still take them hunting and fishing with me. Maybe not physically but they are with me spiritually everywhere I go.
My wife and I had a funeral for them and a lot of family and friends attended. It was a real nice memorial.
That’s when the comments started coming to me about how I’m fine I don’t grieve it’s the woman that has a hard time and I’ll be ok. Yes it is harder on my wife cause she carried them inside her. She had that bond, but I was there too. I had went to every appointment and listened to the heartbeat. I felt them kick too. I had plans for them just as much as she did. I was there at delivery.
There are no hard feelings towards my wife. She gets madder than I do when people exclude me from things to do with our sons. It’s not her fault people are like that it’s just the way things are sometimes. I have my wife and I have the memory of our sons that’s all I need in this life. We were blessed with 2 baby angels that we got to hold for a short time. There’s still hard days but there always will be. There is no “getting over it” but there is coping.
Thank you for reading my story. I could go on and on but I’m going to leave it at this. Just remember guys and gals, it’s ok to talk about a loss when you feel ready to. Thank you.
Jordon would like to add the following……
Even after going through a loss I still can’t find the words to say to someone who has gone through one or even more than one loss. Sometimes there’s nothing you really can say other than I’m sorry to hear that or we will be praying for you.
It’s a hard thing to cope with.
Luckily now we have things like Facebook where we can talk to others who have experienced the same thing maybe not exactly the same but similar. I’m very happy to see that our baby boys story is being witnessed all the way across an entire ocean. I never would’ve thought that. Things have really progressed in the last century.
Thank you for all your support to my wife and I. know we are always there for yall as well