For some turning to alcohol after a loss can act as a’crutch’ or an ‘escape’. For some this can allow them to be lucid and astute to their feelings, where sober they dare not visit them…………
Cheers, falling down is normal and fine.
It’s when that bitch ferments like wine.
When they add the hops and make beer bitter.
When she ferments I turn quitter.
The water was good, the barley a bit much.
But what she started spewing, I’ve never heard such.
Bet your life and ass on that shit blowing up.
You think you’ll avoid it and you could be right.
Let me tell you, that shit blows up like a gaslight.
When you least expect it, it comes and tears apart your soul.
All you’ll be left with after she’s done is a heart wishing for a bullets, and a bullet hole.
I’m all wrapped up in you.
Prepare myself for a war.
Praying to God we don’t take it too far.
Walking in alone shoving through the doubt to find you lying right where I left you.
I’m all dressed up for them, and I’m all dressed up for you too.
I’m just hoping it’s not too tough to keep this good thing going.
I wish you could see the world through my eyes.
Hear my thoughts on this silent night.
I should be surrounded.
l’m stronger than suffering alone.
You should be weaker than pushing me on.
Cheers to you darlin, hope it’s all you hoped for without me holding you back.
Cheers darlin, I’ll just drink til all I feel and see is black.
I feel I’m making my biggest mistakes.
A victim at the hands of life and the vices I choose.
I tend to wallow around for a bit til I no longer feel like shit.
And as the piano plays in my head, I recall the dynamic that used to be our bed.
Where we once kissed when we were there.
Alone I cry as I take another drink reminiscing about how it used to be.
The bullshit I spin, the stories I play, they’re fun now and again until my eyes sober up to see.
How delicate. How fragile this broken thing can be.
I mean it’s crazy when you really think.
Where we came from wasn’t supposed to be.
Why did I chase you at all?
It was the way I felt around you.
Like I could finally be weird me.
You accepted it, embraced it, even loved it until that day.
The day that oops was no longer a word, but a thing.
A life to care for.
That’s where this awkward toast begins to grey.
You see the more I drink, the more I write until this poem is satisfied.
Music blaring in my ears, evoking all my fears.
Good enough or strong enough, worthy at all for that matter.
I’m beaten. Broken. Torn and tattered.
Life sufficiently kicks my ass until I’d love to give in and eat a dose of lead.
Thinking I deserve it for what I’ve put into your head.
You’re worth so much more, if you’d only breathe and get a little help.
I love you like None other and I’d gladly die for you.
I don’t expect reciprocation, just the love that you say you knew.
Another shot of vodka, and the spiral’s further down.
Self destruct isn’t now long for this place.
Just about in time for one jackass to save his face.
Lord, can you hear me? Or am I lost?
Goodnight my love, I’m sure I’ll see you again one way, I know.
Any other, breaking walls is slow.
As you lie in the bed I’ll soon come to, I wonder where my welcome stands.
As opposed to my otherwise idle hands?
Off I’ll drift into this alcoholic haze hoping for a better tomorrow.
And better always includes sorrow.
The battles I fight to keep my wife as mine plus the child we each held just one time.
I wouldn’t wish this life on a single one of you, but I pray for understanding through and through..
As I take these last shots, the booze has done its job well.
Hoping I don’t wake feeling like hell.
And if by chance I didn’t wake at all, tell my family I loved them enough to risk it all.
And let’s hope the dawn of a new day presents a chance to put it all away.
To start over fresh
On a good night’s rest.