An angel made. Travers-James. (T.J) 16.09.09-20.11.10.

It had been a routine day. Military style morning, with everyone reporting for breakfast at the same time and then marching off to school. Helen did the school run as I had things to do at home. She had dropped the boys (Declan, Curtis and Calum) off at school; before taking Miya-May to nursery; before popping off into town for some shopping. Helen got home just before the school run and T.J decided he wanted to sit with his dad. He waved goodbye to his mum and sat and watched cartoons.When Helen returned with the other children, T.J was asleep; but quickly woke when he heard the other. His face beamed with excitement as he slid off the chair and ran over to greet MIya-May. It was the normal post school, can I have and the arguments over what was going to be watched on the t.v. Like I said a normal day. 🙂 Tea time then more hustle bustle and a bit more play. The Simpons were doing the usual six o ‘clock show….all was quite. T.J was becoming a little miserable. maybe tired from his day out, his rough and tumble with his brothers and his sisters or just the time for bed. Helen took T.J for a bath and then a little more time to play. His little red cheeks were saying I’ve had enough for today, time for bed. Helen picked him up and he nestled his head into her shoulder. Helen asked him if he wanted to say goodnight to me. He nodded no, but raised a little smile. I waved, blew a a kiss and said goodnight little man..for the last time ever.  The other children went to bed, the last at about 8pm.  Helen took a bottle of milk up for T.J at about 11am. She said he opened his eyes, smiled, took his bottle and settled down to sleep. Then we went to bed. At about 5am we were woken up by Miya-May shouting.helen went upstairs and found Miya-May in T.J’s bedroom. She was shouting for him to play. Helen had already decided that this was not going to happen and took Miya-May back to her bed. Calum, who shared a room with T.J, was rousing and T.J. was on his bed, bum in the air (a way he often slept). helen went back in to their bedroom. Calum was standing in the middle of the floor. Helen described him as like a rabbit in the headlights of the car. T.J hadn’t moved. She touched him;he didn’t move. She screamed my name and I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs; knowing from the scream that something was wrong.I went into the bedroom ,I saw T.J and then knew my suspicions were right and picked him up. I went into auto mode and started barking out orders. Phone, get the kids in the living room (biscuits, sweets and cartoons) and stand by the door.I gently lay him on the floor he was stiff and cold. I had already started trying to revive him as the emergency operator began to talk. (The phone was on loud speaker) I knew it was too late, but I knew I would never forgive myself if I hadn’t tried! The next thing I knew a paramedic had come into the room, put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘ no more you can do;. It had been twenty minutes. I broke the news to Helen she slid to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. I could not console her, no one or nothing could. He baby had died. Over the next hour the house was filled with medics, police and forensic officers.It was all a blur. They all asked how were Helen Just after 8 it was time to take T.J to the hospital. Helen went with him and looked after the children. I explained as well as I could what had happened. They were still young and had not experienced death before,I said he would not be coming home. It didn’t sink in. Time to do the phone calls. I phoned Helen’s dad, he asked how were Helen and the children. I phoned my mum and dad, they asked how were Helen and the children. I phoned my eldest children, they asked how were Helen and the children. The neighbors knocked and asked how Helen and the children. Helen ran and I asked her how she was, she didn’t ask me. We asked about the boys going to the hospital to say goodbye to T.J. We decided it was the best thing to do. I would stay home with Miya-May. A family  friend collected the boys and asked how Miya -May were. I sat at home. Not thinking. Not sure what to do. A can of beer for company. Helen and the boys came home about 6. I asked how they were. They didn’t ask me. Did everyone assume that I was ok? That I was strong?. That I had to keep things together?  I had lost a baby too.

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About Daddys with Angels.

We began as a group for grieving fathers and men in families, but other family members asked to join us. We now also have a group for Families with Angels dads and other male family members and siblings under 18. We have experienced and live with the harsh pain of loss and we hope we can bring other comfort with what we do, To find us please search for us on face book or www.daddyswithangels.org/. Hugs to you all and floaty kisses to all your angels. We retain the name Daddys With Angels.
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4 Responses to An angel made. Travers-James. (T.J) 16.09.09-20.11.10.

  1. BOB says:

    I can relate a little to this, lost my daughter over 16 years ago, just before she was 16, can’t remember a single person asking how I was, I do remember people avoiding me, eventually I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalised for 2 months, no one in my family even bothered to visit… they all asked each other how I was doing and their answer too each was always the same…Oh Bob will be Ok he is the strong one in the family.. funny that..how the hell did I get to be in a mental health recovery unit if was Ok and strong… but I guess that made me stronger and taught me that I can’t rely on people well not family anyway… So I wish you well and hope you manage too stay strong for no one else but yourself and your children…

    • Please accept my delay in replying. Please also accept my sincere and deepest condolences for your loss! It is a harsh reality that men are often forgotten in child loss and we have began to chip away at the stereotypes and macho images that exist. We know that by sharing the work we do will help others realise that men hurt too. I hope your journey has not been too harsh and you are welcome to join us on our face book group.

  2. brentriesen says:

    That is so much like I felt my husband had to feel. He was “supposed” to take care of me. He hurt just as bad. God Bless you for showing the truth.

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